Crazy Busy

I have been so crazy busy in the last 3 weeks. With all the drama of taking over the new store (the old manager was very hostile for a few days, all the while still living in the on-site apartment while I worked in the office down stairs). I have been going back and forth between concord and Antioch on work days, and shuffling myself back to SF on my weekends. Its gone by way fast, but with one week to go until moving day, I cannot wait for it to end!
The keys were dropped off to the apartment this morning, which means we can move in at any point after it gets a good cleaning, locks changed (I MUST call for this first thing tomorrow morning), and an inspection from the boss lady. We've pretty much decided that next Monday will be the day and cannot come too soon. I miss being away from S during the week, and as much as I love the friends I am staying with, my back does not enjoy the couch surfing.
On the TTC side of things, S and M did the deed (well not the "actual" deed, but you know what I mean) a couple weeks ago, and by the looks of S's chart, may have missed the big O, but at this point we are in the midst of another tww.
S has already decided that if we get a BFN this time around we will be taking next month off. With moving and getting settled I have to agree that its probably a good plan. This was our 5th try, so maybe a month off will do us good.
Hopefully once we get settled in to the new place I will have more internet time, as it is I only get snippets of reading time here and there.

Another try down

We thought we had gotten our timing really great this time, but alas once again it was no go. I'm pretty bummed, because I was convinced we had nailed it. But as S put it last night, the first 2 times our timing was pretty obviously off, so this was really just our first "good" try. And these things take time. I just keep telling myself that.
Now things are pretty up in the air with our work and move back to the east bay. I just got word this morning that I am starting at the new store first thing tomorrow morning. Talk about short notice. I feel like I still have loose ends at my current store, but I will just have to work them out by phone and hopefully the guys can pull it together in my absence. It wasnt supposed to be this quick, but its what needs to happen in order to get us back out there and out of here, so I'll just have to make it work.
I'm greatful that i have good friends in the east bay that I can crash on their couch until we can move out there, because I would so not enjoy the hour long commute(each way from our current place) and all the gas that would go along with that.
Sadly though with all of this I will be away from S for extended periods of time, at least for the next couple of weeks, but we will survive. LOL, she'll probably enjoy the peace and quiet anyway. So I am going to take her grocery shopping before I leave( we only have one car), so that she will be set for the week, and hopefully we can get this all settled sooner rather than later.

I did it

I sent my mom a no on 8* email. That was the hardest thing I have done since I came out to her, but I realized that I could not just say nothing to her. I don't know if it will do any good considering her religion, and what I am sure they are preaching about it in her church right now (anyone want to bombard a church on sunday morning, lol). I basically took Coles( thank you!!!) and reworded it a little, I just couldn't come up with the words on my own.
I don't know what she'll say, and honestly I'm a little scared of her response, but hopefully she will see it our way. We never spoke of the Valentines SF weddings (even though she knew I was in a commited relationship at the time), so I don't really know how she feels on the civil rights side of it, I only knows how she feels about my "lifestyle" on the religious side of it.
I told S that I think she would feel diffrently if there were already grandchildren for her involved, but at this point because it is all a waiting game for us, I cannot put that card out there. We decided that we will not tell our parents until we know for sure (and for my sanity will be waiting until after the first trimester).

* Prop 8 is an amendment to ban same sex marriage in California.

Help!

I'm addicted to fertility friend!!! I got a paid membership for us, and now I can't stop looking at our chart, and searching the circles!!! I need an intervention!!!!
It's also giving me a sense of hope for this cycle that otherwise I wouldn't have. I don't want to get my hopes up, but things look so much better this time around...
Heres to hoping!

TWW #3

So we're done trying for this cycle. We started testing earlier than the past 2 cycles and are a little bit more confident that we didn't miss the window this time. We insemed (is that even a word?) on Wednesday and thursday of this week and S was pretty sure she felt O pain last night (while at the NKOTB concert no less, lol). So now we wait. If this is a 27 cycle, we should know in just about 10 days. Keep your fingers crossed.

No go

This cycle was a no go. We're bummed but on to the next round. I just keep telling myself that its only been 2 tries, and it will happen. This is meant to teach me patience for sure!

Waiting

We are in the midst of our TWW. So not a lot of excitingness going on at the moment. We probably won't know much until at least Tuesday, since we are waiting till day 34 to test. S's cycle is anywhere between 27 and 34 and looking back on the last 9 months of charts, this would be 34 day cycle, so we wait. I hate waiting!
I'll update when I know anything for sure.

Cycle 2 part 4

So it looks like we may have had our timings off for the last 3 tries we did this cycle. We thought that all the meds S has been taking were making the Ovulation tests (or pee sticks as we call them), come out really light, and just not catching the "O". But last night I had her take one just to be sure, and sure enough it was darker than the past weeks. So we decided to try one more time this cycle.So the boys will be on their way here soon. And when you look at her cycles, since they are regular in the fact that they go 27, 30, 34 (and repeat) this should be a 34 day cycle. So we may actually be right on. Here's to hoping.
Again, if we get pregnant this cycle, we will be due in may, our "magic" month. But then again, we have a trip to Napa/ Reno at the end of this month so if S is pregnant, that means no tasting at our winery (Andretti, we highly recommend them) and no drinking at the slots. But against us having a baby, that really doesn't mean much.

Impatient

I am way to impatient to do this baby waiting game. I am one of those people who wants to open all my christmas presents on December 24th (or earlier if possible), and just don't really have a patient bone in my body.
I want S to be pregnant now, and further more, I want to know that she is now! How do people do this for months and months?
I have hope, but am still guarded. I am sure that it when it does happen I will be caught completely off guard.
So we wait. The boys are coming over tonight for one more try this cycle. Send good baby vibes our way!

And so the tww begins again.

That's right, last night was attempt #3, after a very delicious dinner, and massive amounts of expensive wine (what was I thinking on that one? I am paying for it today!). It was really nice to have M and MB over last night, we don't often have people over, as its not super convenient. So it was fun to have a fancy dinner (we even sat at the table! we never do that lol), and good conversation.
We are going to try again tonight and tomorrow just to cover our bases, but we have at this point begun the dreaded two week wait again. Timing on this round was actually really good because next Sunday M and MB are leaving the country for 2 weeks, so we will know whats going on before they even get back. And before we go to Reno for our mini vacation.

A random question...

How do you stop from buying baby stuff when you are not even pregnant yet? We go to Target ( on a by-weekly basis, cause we love that place), and while S is looking at shoes I am looking at the baby stuff ( they are directly across the aisle from each other). And I just want to buy all the cute stuff that is there!!!! I stop myself now, but I don't know how long thats going to last. M admitted to us that after our last insemiation attempt he had gone to buy a baby shower gift for another friend and bought some onesies for our bean to be. I want to buy stuff too!!!! But somewhere in the back of my mind, I cannot help but think that doing so is bad luck!

Getting ready for try #3

So we are getting ready for try #3, and my love is very sick. I can't imagine not trying this time, but at the same time, she's been so sick for the last 2 weeks that I just want her well and not trying to figure out if she's ovulating ect.
We plugged the numbers in to Fertility Friend, and well, its not any help at all. I realize that no one is the same, but why can't this just be easy for us?! We (ok well she,lol) just took this months first OPK and it showed a very faint positive (again, why do these things have to be a guessing game, can't there just be a yes or no?). So we are figuring on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday just to cover our bases. Luckily our sperm is free ( I count my blessing for this everyday!) and we have a donor who lives close by and wants this just as bad as we do (again, blessings being counted). So we will try as many times as it takes, but man am I impatient!!! I just want that lil babe growing in her belly, and then to be able to hold the bean in my arms.
We were talking today about how it would be fitting if it were to take this time around. May birthdays surround us ( her, my mom {who share a birthday} one of my brothers, her brother, several friends, multiple cousins on both sides, and some aunts and uncles thrown in for good measure), and if it were to take this time, we would be due right around the end of may. I can't help but take this as a good sign, although i am much more guarded this time around. I always thought that I would be able to take it all with a grain of salt, being as well read as I am on this particular subject, but when you are in the thick of it, its just not so easy to let it go.
Wish us luck, cause here we go again!!!

Our second try

Our second try was well.... silly, although not quite as funny as the first time around.

The Olympics had just started, and we were watching them before M and MB arrived. We were still watching them while M did his thing, and I decided that this time around I was going to let them out prior to our part this time, just because I didn't want to have to leave S right afterword, and them hanging out is awkward still, although I have the feeling the longer we do this the less awkward it willl be.

So anyway I went to let them out, and while I was doing that S had put the "stuff" in her bra to keep it warm (very important to keep it body temp!). When I came back up, she was perched on the edge of the couch completely sucked into the games. I asked her if she was ready, and she just nodded, at which point I asked her if she wanted to just do it on the couch, since the games were on the DVR so we couldn't just watch them in the bedroom. She said yes, so we got all set up on the couch.

So... try number two was done on the couch watching the 2008 olympics.

A Funny to remember

Even if this time around didn't work, and even though it was our first try, I think that this time will stick out the most in my mind (aside from the time that actually sticks of course), simply because of the laughter involved.
After M( our donor daddy) did his deed, S and I went into our room to do our part. As soon as we were set up to go (pillows under booty, syringe filled) we got the most wicked case of the giggles. Now, we laugh a lot around here as we are quite silly most of the time, but this struck us as completly hilarious. It was just so clinical, and as a way to break the tension, we lost it. M and MB ( as we refer to M's boyfriend in blogger land, because his name starts with an M too) were in the living room watching Juno ( we thought it approprate for some reason) and could hear us laughing, given our glass french doors in our San Francisco apartment. After we finally gained control and did what we needed to do, I went downstairs to let them out (when we leave here I will forever be greatful for not having that problem anymore), and came back to our bed. Hoping all the way.
I read in one of the lesbian baby making books to not take the whole thing seriously, and laugh, because otherwise the enormity of the situation will take you over, and I thought that because we laughed so hard the first go round, we'd be gold. I was wrong, but hopefully we will be able to laugh our way through as many times as it takes ( although I hope it doesn't take many).

Intro

So this is my new blog about the trials and tribulations of starting our family. I figured I'd give blogger a try and see if I actually post over here more than I do at LJ. I'd like to record these times, and have a place to record the kids when they get here.

We are already one cycle down and I'm disappointed, I had really hoped we'd be the miracle family that got it right on the first try. But alas it was not in the cards this time around.

For anyone happening along this blog, a little history. My partner is my best friend of more than 5 years and we have been through a lot together. We became a couple at the end of last year, it just took us that long to figure it out (although just about anyone who knows us saw it coming for a long time). Kids were always in the books for us anyway, either together or apart, so deciding to start a family right away wasn't a big deal, and its not like we're getting any younger. We have a wonderful donor who will be our children's father, but not a primary parent.

I am just so ready to start this new path in life, and hope we don't have to play the two week game for very long.